Sunday, 11 March 2018

What The Hell Am I Doing With My Life?

I probably ask myself this question at LEAST once a day. And I travelled home solo from Australia on Monday, giving me a whole 28 hours to debate my current life choices and come to about 83289349 conclusions on whether what I was doing was 'right'.

In October I decided to quit my job and leave my home in West Yorkshire to move to London and pursue a career in beauty journalism. Although I felt like I was finally doing something I loved, in a city I loved (despite only visiting 3 times in my whole life) it was s-t-r-e-s-s-f-u-l, and almost every other day I would have the 'should I just move home?' deliberation with myself in my head. I had no money, I was living out of my suitcase, in a different house every 2 weeks, and I had a huge level of uncertainty with my job, but good things never come from comfort zones.


No makeup, no hairbrush, but the BIGGEST smile on my face at Glamour Beauty Fest
It's so easy to compare your life to other people, especially on Instagram. I'm a serial scroller- it's the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do at night. And when my feed is constantly littered with lavish lifestyles and designer handbags, I want the same. (Is it possible to take a photo of your new nails without the Audi rings on the steering wheel behind them anymore?) And if I lived back home, it could be. All my friends are back home, all my family live there, I have my car, I would have so much more disposable income so I could finally buy that Gucci Marmont bag I've had my eye on for a whole year, and I could go on so many more holidays because if I lived with my parents again, I would have no rent to pay.

And it's not even materialistic things, my own friends and family heavily impact my thoughts on whether I'm doing the right thing. They have long-term boyfriends, some are engaged, some have mortgages and live together, and I have non of these things. You know when you can't sleep so you lie there, staring at the ceiling and overthinking everything? Sometimes I get jealous. I want a boyfriend who can be my +1 to events, instead of having to invite a girl friend. I want to go on cute citybreaks and leave a padlock on that bridge in Paris with our initials on. I want to come home from a looooong day to be greeted by a big bear hug from my boyfriend. But then I remind myself that I am not someone who settles. I enjoy dating! I don't want to settle for anyone just for the sake of being in a relationship. I don't want to live in Preston for the rest of my life. Even thought that's where all my family and friends live, I would much rather rent a property in London- a huge, exciting city where there is always something going on, new bars opening, events, people, than the same thing day in day out. I've been here for 3 months and I still feel like an international student but I love exploring it. Yeah of course I miss my friends and family, but they're only a Whatsapp message or a train ride away.

And finally, my career. Sometimes I wish I had an actual profession. Like, I wish I studied Dentistry or Engineering (no way I would study this but you know what I mean) just so I had an actual trade, as opposed to Journalism where there are so many routes in can go down, as opposed to one definite, guaranteed job at the end. But have I enjoyed my career so far? Absolutely. (Well, aside from my last job which you can read about here, but I'm going to erase that from my memory) I'm in an industry which combines networking, content creation, social media, beauty and events. I rarely have a boring day, and I'm ready to work my way up in an industry that suits me down to a tee. It's going to take a bit longer than my friends, but would you rather hate your job and earn an amazing salary, or love your job and not be doing too badly? To me, it's pretty obvious.

I've kind of lost track with this post, but the main thing I wanted to get across was that it's perfectly fine to have a 'wtf am I doing' moment, and completely change up your life plans if they aren't panning out how you expected. Stop comparing your life to others. Everyone has shit days, but my best way to get around this is to put on a hair mask, shave your legs (freshly shaved legs always make me feel like I've got my life together) and scroll through your OWN Instagram to remind yourself how much you are LIVING. And being happy is the most important thing.

2 comments:

  1. I loved your post. I'm very much on the wft am I doing. I think it's normal to re-evaluate life every now and again! Do you boo.

    www.lookwhatigot.co.uk

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  2. I reevaluate my life on a daily basis while others my age seem to have their sh*t together. Comparison is the thief of joy, we will find our paths and reach our destinations at our own pace!

    Fran | www.franciscarockey.co.uk

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