Tuesday, 28 November 2017

Tinder Dos and Don'ts (Well, Mainly Don'ts)

When he has a good job, nice teeth AND is within a 3km radius.
DON'T
Have a group shot as your first photo. It automatically means you're the ugly one. Also don't have a group shot for every single photo either, as well as being extremely confusing (WHO R U!?!?!), again, it automatically means you are the ugly one. LEFT.

DON'T
Lie about your occupation. 'Boss' 'Model' or 'CEO' ain't fooling anyone... You're unemployed. And don't get me started on studied at 'University of Life' or 'Hogwarts'. Unemployed. Also, recently I've noticed a couple of 'non of your business!' and 'wouldn't you like to know!' Erm, yes actually I WOULD like to know, because before I even consider swiping right I need to be sure that the future father of my children is able to give them the upbringing they deserve.

DON'T
Upload photos where you have those snapchat filter stars around your head. Or the dog filter. *shudders* For a start, you look like a twat, and secondly..Actually there is no secondly, you just look like a twat. And it's even worse when there's a caption attached. 'Love a fresh trim'. Good 4 u hun. LEFT.

DON'T
Give me your life story on the 'about me'. Especially when it's a super cringe one about wanting 'a nice down-to-earth girl to settle down with' SETTLE DOWN WITH. Steady on there cowboy we've not even been on one date yet. Or 'looking for that girl to put a smile on my face'. Ick.



cringe.
DON'T
Use photos that aren't of you- cars, pets etc. I'm 25 and single. Time's ticking. I don't have the patience to be scrolling through photos of the time you went whale watching in Iceland or bungee jumping in New Zealand. I need clear, close up photos of your face. And preferably a link to your Instagram.

DON'T
Wear sunglasses in every photo. It's a known fact that everyone looks good in sunglasses, and not so much without. Plus, it gives me anxiety about what could be lurking underneath. LEFT.

DON'T
Include your Snapchat name in your bio. I don't want to wake up to a dick pic, thanks.

DO
Link your profile to your Instagram page. I need more than 5 photos to decide whether I want to see you up close and in the flesh.


This ain't LinkedIn Filip.

DON'T
Only communicate via gifs. Yes, one or two is cute, but when you're pushing a third and we haven't even spoke yet, I'm guessing your conversational skills are severely lacking. I'd even be thrilled to engage with a 'hi bbe u ok?' ANYTHING!!!!

DO
List things you like in your bio. It's one thing to be physically attractive, but I need to know that we have stuff in common! Or just a funny quote. SOMETHING to show a slither of personality.

DO
Start conversation first. Extra points if you make me laugh.

DON'T
Ask for my number straight away. There is such thing as too keen, you know.

DO
Arrange a date within the first week. I'm not looking for a pen-pal, and in my opinion, a week is enough time to gauge whether you actually like the person enough to meet up. But I would love to hear other opinions on this!


Have you had any success with Tinder? Tweet me your tales!

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