Sunday, 8 October 2017

Are you a Commitment Phobe?

I am. I've only had one boyfriend in my whooooole 25 years of living, but I've never been the type of girl who NEEDS a boyfriend. It genuinely baffles me who girls break up with their boyfriend and then two weeks later they have a new one? Like, what? How do you even know someone enough to be in a relationship?

New phone, hu dis?

I've been thinking more about it recently because almost all 14 of my friendship group back home are in relationships. Not just early stages either, I'm talking mortgages, babies and engagements. AAAAAAAAAND then there's me. Re-downloding Tinder for the 18th time this year in the hope that someone matches with me and comes through with some actually interesting conversation as opposed to 'hey hun u got snapchat?' SIGH.

It's weird, because I act the same around every new boy that I get talking to/go on a date with etc. I'll be OBSESSED with them for like, two or three weeks, max. And then I just go completely  off them. Previously I thought this was just down to things like because we had both been too busy to see each other, or they didn't like enough of my selfies on Instagram (ok I'm joking with that one). Oh, and for the record, absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder in my opinion. I'm an all-or-nothing kinda gal. Not to say I want to relocate myself to your coat pocket and get a key to your place after the first date, but I don't think I could cope with anything long distance. Anything over an hour is just a massive no.

It's not like I didn't actually like that boy in the first place, and didn't think there was a potential for it to turn into something more long term and serious, because I am SO FUSSY. I will only go on a date with someone who I actually fancy because I can't imagine anything worse than small talk. But fast forward two weeks and my Whatsapp response rate has dwindled down to a fraction of what it was. And I'm bored. BUT WHY?!?!?!

My friend Beth tagged me in this Cosmo article about being a commitment phone and annoyingly, I can relate to nearly every point. These are the main ones:

We've all done the whole 'omg sorry just seen this!' message probably a few too many times. When in actual fact, you saw the message come through 5 hours ago and you just left it on unread. I'm terrible for this, not because I'm being rude (most of the time) but my intention is to reply later on, and I just...forget. For someone who is on their phone for the majority of the day, I am SHOCKING at replying to texts. But that brings me to the whole, how do you pie someone off if you're not feeling it any more? I used to just ignore them and hope they got the hint and stopped texting me (harsh, I know) but now I'm a WOMAN I feel like I need to take the mature approach and break the news by text. It usually goes along the lines of 'Hey, I really enjoyed dinner last week (or whatevz the occasion was) but I can't really see it going anywhere. xxx' and then I scream and close my eyes and press send and archive the message so I never have to see it again.

I'm impulsive. This also relates to the long distance thing. If I want to see you, I want to see you that night. Not plan it in for 3 weeks next Saturday.

I'm waaaaay too laid-back. I don't want to make anything official, I won't upload photos of the two of us or 'check in' anywhere, and I most certainly do NOT want to meet your family. For at least 6 months. Unless it gets serious. Which is never. 

I HATE deep chats. Anything serious, like boys telling me they like me, or that awkward 'are you seeing anyone else or are we kinda of official' conversation makes me run for the hills. In fact, even the tiniest thing, like the guy sending me cute morning texts or giving me compliments are taking genuine interest in my life (LOL) makes me back off.

I don't know why, but the thought of a relationship scares me! It's not that I DON'T want a boyfriend, because who wouldn't want to get close to someone who you fancy the pants of and love spending time with and becomes your best friend and thinks the world of you? Not a trick question.

I'm never going to 'just settle' for the sake of not being 'the single one' in my friendship circle- they have to be pretty special for me to pursue things with, but I'm going to try my hardest to just let my guard down a bit and see what happens. But for now I'm just gonna channel my inner Nikki Muddaris.



  1. I have never read a post I relate to me 😂 This was literally me until a couple of months ago when I met my new boyfriend. I hated any signs of a serious relationship, got bored of everyone so easily, wanted someone who I could see whenever I fancied... I definitely agree, don't settle for just anyone. I had one relationship for six years, then was single for two and now finally think I've (hopefully!) found the right guy! The right guy for you will come out of the blue and totally surprise you, I'm sure of it! X

  2. The whole entire time I was reading this post, I was literally nodding my head saying "Yesssss!!". Lol! This is SO me. I've never been in a relationship before and I am 20. It is sort of by choice because I have been pursued before but I have never felt interested enough just based off of superficial conversation. Reading this has given me a little hope to just continue being me and waiting for someone who I don't have to forcibly get myself to have feelings for just to be in a relationship. I know the relationship I want is one built on way more substance than I've seen my friends and others around me blow through within just a few short months.